Travails of Nigerian parents struggling to raise children abroad

Travails of Nigerian Parents Struggling to Raise Children Abroad

In this special report for www.cjsoftflix.com , we explore the emotional, cultural, and legal challenges Nigerian parents face while raising children in the diaspora. Many families who relocate for better opportunities soon discover that Western values often clash with traditional African principles—especially regarding discipline, respect, and family hierarchy.

For many parents, the struggle to balance both worlds becomes even more intense when their cultural approach to discipline brings them into conflict with strict Western child-protection laws.

Fleeing War, Entering New Challenges

One of the most gripping stories is that of Dr. Olabisi Johnson, a four-month pregnant woman who fled Ukraine during the Russian invasion. Under skies illuminated by missiles, with soldiers securing territories and wounded fighters nursing injuries, she fled with four friends—praying she would survive to one day cradle her unborn child.

Johnson’s academic dreams had taken her to Belarus in 2011. When those plans faltered, she moved to Ukraine, only to face the horrors of a full-scale invasion years later. Her only dream during the chaos: reunite with her husband in the UK.

Multilingual but Visa-Stranded

After days navigating the jungle and chaotic borders, Johnson finally reached the French border—only to be denied entry because she lacked a Schengen visa.

Despite being fluent in Russian, Belarusian, Polish, and Ukrainian, her inability to speak French created a barrier that stood between her and her husband.

Although French authorities lodged her and her friends in a hotel temporarily, the fear of being returned to war-torn Ukraine loomed over them until immigration processes finally granted her safe passage to the UK.

A Mother in a New Land—But Alone

Johnson’s postpartum experience in the UK came with unexpected challenges. Due to high rent and unfair housing policies, she could not live with her husband. One Nigerian landlady charged £900 for a box-sized room and demanded an extra £150 when Johnson became pregnant.

Even worse, on the day she gave birth, her mother—her expected support system—relocated due to a new job, leaving Johnson to fend for herself. She lived in a hotel for three months with her newborn before securing new accommodation.

Landlords and Council Tax Pressures

Johnson explained that many UK landlords reject families with children because council tax increases based on the number of occupants.

She further highlighted that while landlords can evict tenants, they cannot legally evict mothers with children without due process—leading many landlords to avoid renting to families altogether.

“Better Life” Comes With Extra Burdens

Like Johnson, many Nigerian parents abroad face emotional, financial, and psychological burdens while raising children in Western societies. One such parent is Gisela Esapa, a support worker in the UK raising four children—including a son with a learning disability.

School Pressure and Cultural Misunderstandings

Her 14-year-old son, Josh, often needed personalized attention. One day, when he spent just 10 minutes unsupervised at school, staff accused the parents of neglect and involved social workers.

They recommended assessments, reports, and clinical referrals—all within minutes—based on assumptions rooted in the UK's strict child-protection structure.

Esapa eventually confronted the system confidently, explaining her son’s condition and challenging exaggerated claims. Only then did the authorities begin to respect her voice.

“Don’t Beat. Don’t Talk Too Much.”

Another parent, business analyst Babatunde Adegbindin, explained that Nigerian parents abroad must learn new, subtle ways of discipline.

Because physical punishment or harsh words may violate child-protection laws, many parents resort to:

• Using facial expressions
• Communicating boundaries softly
• Explaining issues instead of commanding
• Maintaining composure even when children misbehave

In individualistic Western environments, he added, children may grow up without communal guidance, unlike in Nigeria where every adult helps shape a child’s character.

Canada: Cultural Explanations for Curious Children

In Canada, economist Oluwatobi Ogundele constantly explains Western cultural practices—such as Halloween—to her children, helping them maintain their Nigerian moral compass in the midst of a culture that encourages self-expression and independence.

She notes that Canadian teachers often report parents at the slightest suspicion of corporal punishment, creating anxiety for African parents used to stricter discipline styles.

US Perspective: Discipline vs. Abuse

In the US, senior systems engineer Adetola Ademola supported American laws that ban extreme punishment while welcoming mild, non-injurious discipline.

She emphasized that while gentle parenting sounds ideal, many African children require structure and firmness, making cultural balance necessary.

Greeting elders, for example, became a cultural battle. Ademola taught her children to greet respectfully—using “good morning” instead of “hi”—even when they questioned the custom.

Child Rights and Removal Cases

A Nigerian-American judge, Abayomi Ajaiyeoba of Kings County Family Court, explained that American law only intervenes when discipline causes harm.

He listed punishments prohibited in the US, including:

• Beating with belts or sticks
• Injuries or bruises
• Emotional abuse
• Leaving children unsupervised for long periods

Child removal is a last resort, only used when a child’s safety is compromised.

“Your Character Will Be Exposed”

UK pastor Chinedu Agudiegwu argues that raising children abroad is not necessarily harder—if parents obey the law and manage their personal flaws. He believes diaspora parenting forces individuals to confront their weaknesses, making accountability essential.